Embracing the Pain Teacher: Lessons in Life's Hardships
We are all students in one way or another. Being a student doesn’t necessarily mean being in a formal academic setting. We are students of life, and life has many ways of teaching us. One of the most powerful teachers in life is the “Pain Teacher,” a concept from one of my most influential mentors, Paul Chek. I highly recommend checking out his content—he is one of the most knowledgeable people I’ve ever come across.
We all experience pleasure and pain as part of our existence. We often try to hold on to pleasure while running away from pain. But how wise is this attitude toward pain and pleasure? Mark Manson has a quote that captures the paradox of our constant desire for pleasure: “The desire for more positive experience is itself a negative experience. And the acceptance of a negative experience is in itself a positive experience.” This quote powerfully challenges us to view our desires and our relationship with “negative” experiences differently.
Accepting our “negative experiences” is the first step toward transformation. Once we come to terms with and fully accept them, these so-called “negative” and painful experiences become our Pain Teacher. Painful experiences offer opportunities for transformation. If we see them as teachers, we believe there is something to learn from them. These experiences are not random; they have a purpose. That purpose is to help us grow, become wiser, stronger, more conscious, and more aware. The alternative is to remain victims of our life’s events.
In my own life, it took a long time to start trusting the Pain Teacher. As a kid and a young adult, I resisted painful experiences. But as I gathered more life experiences, I realized that all these painful events ultimately led to a better understanding of life and to both outer and inner transformation. By gaining more clarity about the importance of these experiences and how transformative they can be, despite how painful and challenging they are, I developed and grew.
Lessons from My Pain Teacher:
At 21, the Pain Teacher showed up in the form of a painful romantic breakup. This heartbreak ultimately led me to take one of the most transformative journeys of my life: my first solo trip around the world. This trip shaped me, changed my worldview, and led to a cascade of decisions that changed my life direction towards a life more connected to my true passions. Thanks, Pain Teacher.
At 23, I felt stuck. Studying in the US, I was pursuing something I didn’t want, living in a place I didn’t like. I was so miserable that I became depressed. The Pain Teacher showed up strongly to show me that my path lay elsewhere. I dropped out and within three months, I found myself working in New Zealand with incredible people, doing something I love. Thanks, Pain Teacher.
At 27, one of my best childhood friends passed away. This experience was extremely painful and shook me to my core. When someone close and young passes away, it makes you rethink your priorities. It created a significant shift in my relationship with mortality and how I wanted to experience my life. It led me to leave my job to pursue other life projects that brought incredible fulfillment. Thanks, Pain Teacher.
The Pain Teacher is unavoidable and will keep showing up in my life. The difference now is that I can look at this teacher with different eyes; I have respect for her. I know that anything that happens to me happens for a reason and that every painful experience has a purpose. I might not understand it at the moment, but in retrospect, everything makes sense.
This is an invitation for you to reflect on your encounters with the Pain Teacher throughout your life and how they have allowed you to expand and grow. If you haven’t seen this yet, I invite you to view your painful experiences from a different lens. Ultimately, our pain isn’t the problem; the problem is having the wrong relationship with the Pain Teacher and not allowing it to do its job—to teach.
Much love,
Matias